In a world full of social media images and stories on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, yada yada, we see so many people who appear to have it all together. Designer homes, lovely cars, gorgeous children, amazing bodies, perfect hair and makeup daily, fresh baking, Pinterest birthday parties…ugh. The pressure to be perfect once again!
When my daughters, Charleigh and Rylie, were one and two, we sold our house and moved to be six doors down from one of our very best friend couples. I quit my job to be a stay-at-home (we’ll get to how long that lasted in a future post) and relocated two suburbs further out from the hub of downtown Vancouver to reduce our expenses.
I have been friends with these amazing peeps for longer than I care to admit (age-wise only, of course)- we even went to high school graduation together. We sold our house and moved to a townhouse. Ack! I had to put a # sign in front of my address, like an apartment, which was definitely a shot to my ego (#embarrassingtruth). It bothered me so much because it didn’t appear perfect! We didn’t have a private residence anymore. Ouch. BUT, welcome back into play the learning lessons that I had from my mid-twenties to my late thirties. “Stuff” doesn’t bring you happiness.
How amazing that our baby monitors worked in our backyards?!?! How awesome that we had date nights after we tucked our littles into the neighbours’ bed and carried them home afterwards? New Years, Easter, Christmas, Tuesdays… the list goes on. So much love! Our families were growing up together. It made my heart so full. Get over that number sign, Rollins!
HOWEVER, there was this other lingering “THING.” A feeling of not being good enough. A feeling of not being a good enough mom, a good enough wife, a good enough cook, and who knows what else. It was almost to the point that I hesitated to go over and spend time with them. STOP! Time to self-reflect. What was my issue? What was it that I was feeling?
My girlfriend is an amazing cook, an amazing mother, an amazing wife, an awesome auntie to my kids. She bakes beyond regularly, puts on dinner spreads for all, has coffee and delicious wraps laid out for her husband on his way to work in the morning, loves him to bits, gets up and works out at 5:30am, has her hair and makeup done beautifully daily, and so much more, all the while I’m sporting my hoodies and a mom bun. How could I possibly keep up? We scramble to put a decent looking, but almost always healthy dinner on the table each night, my husband makes his own dang lunch and coffee, and I rarely get dressed up or do my hair (However, I can assure you that my hoodie will always match my running shoes!).
One night, it all became perfectly clear to me. My perception changed. She had poured my glass of wine, was busy prepping dinner for the two families, as she does so often, and the five children wanted help making robots out of the large cardboard boxes that they had found. I grabbed a pair of bad ass scissors and started chopping up that cardboard like a pro! She likely would have preferred to poke herself in the eye with those same scissors than do what I was doing.
Once we realized what was happening, she and I laughed hysterically. Stick with what you know, what you’re good at, and don’t waste your valuable time stressing about the rest. Why would you spend 80% of your time on improving your weakest 20%? I’m not suggesting we throw in the towel on the 20%, but she was doing what she loved- taking care of us all, cooking, baking, and being the kitchen diva that she is and I was rocking out the cardboard robots- both of which made both of us and the kids very happy.
My husband didn’t marry me thinking he was going to get freshly brewed, perfectly doctored coffee every morning and a fresh avocado, tomato, and egg breakfast sandwich. He chose me for entirely different reasons. I wasn’t lesser. I was just different and I’m still good enough.
I’ll come back to her house for dinner any day…after I’m done at the park teaching her kids to play baseball, beating them all at laser tag, carving out some mean cardboard robots, and after I’ve come over to kill her spiders when her husband isn’t home (trust me- it’s quite a sight to see).
Until next time… embrace your perfuction.
This could literally be about my best friend and me. Its definitely one of the things I value most about our friendship though! Its amazing to watch my kids interact with her when she’s over, because they get to have fun experiences with her that would just be a hot mess if I was leading the activity. She has an ability to just let loose with them and let them lead in ways that would cause my nerves to fray!
And vice versa, her son responds to me in ways that he doesn’t for her, because he knows that I run a “no nonsense house” haha
“I was just different and I’m still good enough.” Love this!
Great story! I too hate the feeling of not being totally put together. But my house is clean, my family is fed and that is all that really matters. Glad you found your happy place and quit jonesing, rock on!