Hello and welcome to the club! Whether we like to admit it or not, we are all perpetually perfuct. I’m Angela and I like to consider myself a recovering perfectionist! Having said that, and because I’m not perfect, my desire to be perfect creeps in here and there and can paralyze me from getting on with “it,” whatever “it” may be at the time. But, I’m learning to recognize it more quickly, take a deep breath, and let it go.
Geez- the pressure we so often put on ourselves until we gain the wisdom to understand that, try, try as we may, we will never be perfect and that’s perfectly okay. We need to accept that and gain the knowledge that we are all perfuct just the way we are. Now, sure- we can all continue to learn, grow, and improve ourselves in all aspects of our lives, but we only become better, more well-rounded, more educated, etc, but we will still never be perfect. This unattainable ideal can be exhausting and demoralizing. It can, also, stop us from doing the things we want to do or say the things we want to say, like, “No.”
Keeping up appearances was definitely a big part of my childhood. With a former school-teacher, perfectionist mother and a police officer father, doing right and being the best was something that my brother and I lived with each day. My perfect ponytails were so dang tight, I swear she tightened the curls right out of my hair (I could use some of those ponytails right now to pull my forty-something wrinkles back a little)!
Throughout my childhood, I participated on many sports teams, achieved top honours in school, worked from the time I was fourteen, got accepted into the post-secondary school of my choice, and was focused on being the next female corporate big deal. I had such a fear of failure that if I thought I wasn’t going to be good at something, I’d secretly practice, so I didn’t look foolish the day I was “introduced” to it.
When I graduated high school, I felt I was on the right path to my fancy car, big house, sixty- hour work week, pantyhose wearing, commuting life. I wasn’t sure I wanted to get married, nor was I sure that I wanted to have children. I was going to light the world on fire and show people what success looked like.
A few weeks after my nineteenth birthday, those plans all changed when I got in a serious car accident on my way home from school. Months and years went by where I struggled to know how that “terrible” event would positively impact the rest of my life. My work, studies, social life, and hobbies came to a screeching halt, while I focused on getting a grip on my health.
In an effort to keep my mental health on track, I tried many new things, including coaching kids’ sports teams. Low and behold, I actually liked kids! Who knew? Teaching and encouraging others brought me a great deal of happiness. And, I had the opportunity to learn many lessons early on in life about the importance of family and friends. You don’t need a huge network of people- what you need are a handful of really good people who will be beside you through the good, the bad, and the ugly. I am so blessed to have so many great friends in my life who are now, also, my family.
In my late twenties, everything appeared perfect. I seemed to have what so many would have dreamed to have- a cute puppy, a new vehicle, a fancy loft apartment, with custom furniture, but I had never been more miserable in my life! I was very empty and lonely and had no one to share my fears, happiness, thoughts, and/or ideas with. I didn’t know what I was going to do with my life and “stuff” evidently didn’t make me happy. I committed to figuring out what made me tick and enlisted the help of a coach and a counsellor.
So much of who I was had been stripped away and I knew nothing else. I had always been a human “doing” and now I was just a human “being”…being unproductive and ungrateful, in my eyes. However, as I worked through my thoughts, read books, and implemented what I was being taught, I discovered that having everything stripped away was probably the best thing for me. I couldn’t rely on what I already knew and what I knew wasn’t bringing me true joy. At twenty-eight, my life coach asked me when the last time I felt joy was and I stewed on it for a week until my next appointment and decided that I never really had. Every success was an expectation and I lived in my head and had shut off my heart. I was told that when you lock the rest of the world out, you lock yourself in. Bam! So true. And, that we don’t have the luxury of shutting off just one emotion, such as hurt, but, instead, we shut them all off…hence no joy, but I, also, couldn’t handle any more sadness, vulnerability, or loneliness at that time.
Step-by-step, I discovered that success for me was not ever going to be solely monetary. I did want a husband, children, an active social life, a work/life balance and that it was okay for me to do things that I wanted to do. I’m very grateful to have loving parents who have always wanted the best for me, but I vividly recall a conversation with my mother, after she told me a number of things I should be doing, and I responded with, “I’m so happy to have a mother who wants the very best for me, but you don’t get to choose what those things are.” Although taken aback, she willingly recognized that I was right and has since supported me in discovering my own path to happiness, missteps and all.
Throughout my self-discovery journey, I have worked numerous and various jobs, owned multiple businesses, worked for a large US based corporation, achieved certificates in counselling science, personal training, nutrition coaching, cosmetology, and more recently life coaching (I bailed on the gemology one- staring at stones all day did NOT bring me happiness! Getting them is much more personally satisfying). And, I’m currently working through interior design and social media marketing and digital marketing programs, all while raising my two daughters, being an entrepreneur, and a wife. One thing I do know is that I love learning and I don’t think I’ll ever stop taking new courses. My favourite things to do in business are coach, speak, mentor, and facilitate.
My goal is to transparently share my struggles and juggles, stories, teachings, and learnings to inspire and guide you to let go and to appreciate and love the imperfuct life you’re in. Be genuine, be authentic, and be true to yourself.
Until next time… embrace your perfuction!